Most of us did not grow up in an environment where emotional intelligence was a factor or even a consideration. And if you identify as a BIPOC, this concept might have been something you couldn’t even fathom. This is why it is so important to me that we become emotionally intelligent, not just for ourselves, but for the generation ahead. As a parent, you can make a difference not just in the lives of your children but for a whole generation to come. You have the power to create a whole new world!

Emotional intelligence (EI) is important for both moms and dads because it helps them understand and manage their emotions and those of their children. This ability strengthens the parent-child bond, creating a supportive and nurturing environment at home. When parents model calmness, empathy, and effective stress management, they teach their children how to handle their emotions in healthy ways. It also helps parents navigate the challenges of parenting with greater patience and understanding, leading to a more harmonious and resilient family life. In essence, EI enables moms and dads to be more present, connected, and responsive to their children’s needs, fostering emotional well-being for the entire family.

If you were never given models or tools for emotional intelligence, it can feel challenging to develop these skills, but it’s possible. Here’s how you can start:

1. Self-Awareness: Begin by paying attention to your own emotions. Take a moment throughout the day to ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?” Naming your emotions (e.g., anger, frustration, joy) is the first step toward understanding them. Journaling can also help you reflect on your emotions and reactions. Here is a free e-book with journal prompts to get you started.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being present in the moment without judgment. You can practice it through simple exercises, like focusing on your breathing for a few minutes or observing your surroundings. Mindfulness helps you become more aware of your emotional responses, giving you space to choose how to react rather than being driven by immediate impulses.

3. Learn to Pause: When you feel strong emotions rising, practice pausing before you respond. This can be as simple as taking a deep breath or counting to ten. This pause allows you to consider your response instead of reacting impulsively, which can make a big difference in how you handle situations with your children.

4. Empathy in Small Steps: Start by trying to see things from your child’s perspective. If your child is upset, ask yourself what might be causing it. You don’t have to have all the answers, but simply trying to understand can build your empathy. Over time, this will help you respond in a way that acknowledges and validates their feelings.

5. Seek Support and Learn: Don’t hesitate to seek resources, like books, podcasts, or parenting groups, that focus on emotional intelligence and parenting. These can offer practical advice and examples that you can apply in your daily life. Also, talking to other parents can give you new insights and tools.

6. Be Gentle with Yourself: Developing emotional intelligence is a journey, and it’s okay not to get it right all the time. If you react in a way you’re not proud of, reflect on it and think about how you might handle it differently next time. Apologizing and discussing it with your child can also be a powerful lesson in humility and emotional growth for both of you.

7. Practice Active Listening: When your child speaks, focus on listening without interrupting or immediately offering solutions. This shows your child that you value what they’re saying and helps you better understand their emotions and needs.

By gradually incorporating these practices into your life, you can develop emotional intelligence, even if you didn’t have these tools growing up. It’s about small, consistent steps toward greater self-awareness, empathy, and thoughtful responses.